Tonight's remedy

Less than an hour after posting the previous entry, my lawyer phoned me. The only thing he deals with is the subject with Bernard, his breaking into my flat, order to keep away from me, loss of rights over Hugo, and all the relevant paperwork implied with this. He was assigned to me the day I was attacked, and since has been really supportive, though I don't think he is too experienced -well, it's the feeling I have with him. Some times during the many meetings we had with judges, officials, etc he was shakier than me, specially when we didn't know if B would also turn up!

I was sweating the moment I realized who it was, thinking 'Now what???!!!' . As a flash, I had many possibilities in my mind jumping and mixing... until he said I could pass by his office to collect 60 euro as part of the compensation for the expenses of mending my front door and replacing all the windows. Can't remember how much we'd estimated in the end, with invoices in hand, but I remember it was something around 200 euro or so. I also remember not asking for any further -moral, etc.- compensation, and there was about 100 euro he had to pay to Joan, for injuring his arm too... the rest is all his fine, as he didn't go to prison for being a first offence(?).

So on my way back from Eva's to get Hugo, I was in a foul mood again. Shit, going through stuff, mind racing... with Hugo I passed by Alberto's bar, had a chat with him and a whiskey & Red Bull to calm me down... and as we got home I chose a selection of 'mood music' that ended up being Lene Lovich, Iggy Pop, Jane's Adiction and Nina Hagen. Comfort remembering those old days, just before and during my relationship with B, when I used to listen to them. And reminding myself he's part of my life, and I have learnt a lot from and through him. But trying to stick to the good parts last night, so I could stop my visions of his distorted, mad face shouting he had only just started...

Know what? it worked. Couldn't sleep 'till about 3:30 am, but woke up ok again. Guess I'll be down later on, when visiting the lawyer this evening... but that's another story. Am in fact listening to Iggy now, as I'm writing. Candy... ah, that song. It was released on the year I met Bernard, and at first I just loved the song. Then, during years, it has felt so close... The part with the female voice made me cry last night -the first time I listened to it. Admit. Played it about 4 or 5 times. playing it now for third time on my discman. Ssshhhh! I'm healing...