29.4.04

Yeah, it finally did happen!!!

I finally got my microwave!!!!!



I'd had it promised by N. every b-day and every x-mas for the last 5 years, except for the time I was living with my ex, for obvious reasons... And I finally got it!!!!


A Taurus Something or Other, nice, an oval window - I like it better than the regular square ones- and in white, the chromed ones are way more expensive...


But what's lousy is the instructins manual. I expected something cool like Joan's instructions manual, but of course, he spent much more on his microwave, digital et all...


I'll have to get his manual photocopied -good excuse to meet ;) -it's got simple microwave guides to timing, cooking different things, etc., which I used when living there and could use applying it to mine now.



Now all I need is to get my comp to work...

Downer.

Met this guy yesterday, whom I'd had a one-night-stand with years ago, early nineties, and have since felt close to, though we have hardly seen each other over the years.


This guy is about 7 years younger than me, nice, handsome, lovely voice, cool looks, great body, intelligent, totally sexy and sensual, fun, has a good sense of reality when necessary... Yes, they do exist! -not a man to be your boyfriend, but one the best lovers possible, I guess! For a few years, he used to take more notice of me than the other way round, although I'm not as good looking, etc., but there was this weird connection between us.


In fact, whenever I bumped into him, often I didn't even notice it was him until he said something, he kept changing his looks so much I'd ignore him and he'd come up to talk.

Once, in a trendy disco we never used to go to, where Magda, Oliver and I were celebrating someone's birthday, we could only see the waiters & waitresses' silhouettes, due to the lights etc -yeah, nineties hahaha- and we were saying 'We want the hunky waiter to come', 'El Guapo'... and when he finally came, it was this guy, and he said the drinks were on the house, but he'd not put too much vodka in mine, as I'd get dangerous... You can bet my friends were pestering me with questions about him all night long...


Some years ago, when I was really down because of B, my son's dad, and had my morale down under the subways, I bumped into him at a bar terrace, and we started talking and talking and I could feel how the chemistry was working between us and was getting a bit dizzy, realizing he was still feeling close to me the way I did with him. But I always tended to think there was nothing to consider, I was really down then, and felt like shit, and he was on the top of his glory years -dj-ing, really popular among people, etc., so whatever he'd remembered of me would dissappear if he got to see me too often. But we did see each other, no sex nor dates, just bumping into each other quite often some times, then periods of not meeting at all...


Then, when I decided the next time I saw him I'd go for it and see what happened, suggest going out for dinner or something... I find out he was the lover of someone who was working with me at that point!!! She was quite mad for him, he was not so involved... but I didn't want to get into that kind of shit... though I didn't like this girl specially, it would have been difficult to bear. And when she found out we knew each other, she told me she'd told him about working with me, and how he kept asking after me... She went on and on asking how we'd met in the first place, which I used to reply 'de marcha', partying...

Anyway, she managed to make us all three go out for drinks once, and I was sooo unconfortable, because by now he was one of the very few guys who can make me feel awkward, timid... Things have changed! It was him who was like that in front of me at first!

He said, at one point, sitting between the two of us, and jokingly putting his arms round us both, he was in heaven, and how important I had been in his life, the way I was attached to his first days in Barcelona, how we seemed to know more about each other than what was ever said...


Time after, I've been bumping into him many times, now he's got a kid too so it was a perfect excuse to stay lingering a bit while we gave the kids a chance to play a bit together... and more than once I've felt the sparkles between us just about to become a fire... but I always go so shy with him!!! Yes, me!!!



To cut a long story short, every time he's quite open and available, on his own and talking with me for a long time, I'm too shy, or busy to stay on, or with my son, etc. Whenever I decide that the next time I see him I'll not coward away, he's busy or he's with some girl around!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yesterday he came up to my son and me, in the street. He started chatting, we gave each other the 2 kisses right on the corners of our lips, as usual, and walked together for a few streets, him playing with my son at the same time as he was talking to me, then my son'd stay behind us, playing, and he'd switch his voice tone down to the sexy voice while asking me how things are, what I'm doing lately... me asking him too... but every time we started talking a bit, my son would chuck his bag at the guy, as they were playing catch, and if he was more concerned on our conversation than on the bag, he'd get the bag on his head!!!



But we had a good laugh, and I saw he's still around, and friendly... but he seemed out of it, completely!!! Don't know if it was only dope, or what, but every now and then he'd wander into words with no connection, blah blah... and though he' d do that now and then before, he was too bad this time.



Could have got a drink together, but declined it.


Let's see what he's like next time we meet, but though even when we met the first time he was on LSD or something, during the day and at night when working he's always ok... as I said, no man to be your husband, but cool friend and lover... boy, he was good too...!!!


But I'm getting to learn to keep away, or at least keep at a distance, of these drugheads... I've learnt my lesson or so I hope, but why the fuck do they all end out of control???!!! 'Course it's the people I deal with, may not happen in the circles of my work colleagues, and so on. But maaan, I'm sick of having to check myself with these guys -the ones I like best are always hooked on something or other.

Checking out a blog I've been reading lately,

little. yellow. different., I have come up with some funny things. You know there's not always a reason to get hooked on one blog and not another one, just for some sort of mystic connection? Anyway, I quite like the guy's blog, and some of the links he has are cool. Like this one.

Well, some of my friends have already had this sent to them, I was reading it yesterday and found it funny. Ebay's story of eBay item 4146756343 - SIZE 12 WEDDING DRESS/GOWN NO RESERVE is worth checking!!! Also had a laugh with PhotoMann Travel Photgraphy - Images of Japanese Vending Machines, but just 'coz I did this research work on Kitsch stuff at University and am always adding mentally all the stuff I could have done with this or that...


I even got through his blog into the Yahoo! Avatars, and got some friends to download the Beta messenger and make avatars too...

And, yes, trying to keep my mind off worse things, am sharing some of the comic strips I've read lately and saved, either 'coz funny or 'coz they reminded me of people. Shame I didn't do it with other ones I really liked before, shall renew them now and them ;) Anyway, here are some comic strips

27.4.04

Tried again last night

but didn't get through to B. Worried he's thinking I'm playing tricks on him.

Also worried for Hugo's nightmares twice since B. got back in touch and I told Hugo a bit about the situation, within his age limits.

26.4.04

Had to 'Ignore' Another guy today

Why is it sooo many guys feel it worth the effort and even satisfying to touch themselves at home while chatting to girls -they suppose, anyway- on the Messenger?

Giving all the details of what they'd do to you?


Asking why you're ignoring them????


Hey, it's a pain in the arse, as you have to keep disconnecting to avoid them, or plainly click the 'Ignore Button', that is my favourite tool in Messenger!



But there seems to be some NICE BUT HETERO MEN around Messenger too!!! And I've got to meet some...

Is Condi Rice Secretly in Love?

Is Condi Rice Secretly in Love With President Bush?

Good one there, that would explain how they get on soo well. And why the Boondocks couldn't find her a match! Is Condi Rice Secretly in Love With President Bush? Weeeellll, check out what a cool couple they can be: Condoleezza Rice / James Bond Parody

Yesss, as you see, I'm trying to get back into a good mood, no news since Friday from B., guess must phone him tonight to discuss the matter, but:
a) don't want to phone from home, he'd get my number and therefore could track my address
b) don't want to phone from work, ditto, plus don't want to go into arguing sentences, prison, etc at the office
c) when I do phone him on the way from work to Hugo's school, he never picks up the phone, and has it disconnected without answerphone
d) no use in sending sms, as he never reads them
e) don't want to go arguing in front of my son, so have to wait 'till he's asleep
f) by the time he's asleep, I'm sooo worn out I daren't even think of phoning him!!!!

23.4.04

My virtual rose

Thanks, honey!!!! got my rose

Night in tonight

Sant Jordi is in Catalonia, besides the day books have a 10% discount and offers are sold everywhere, the Catalan Valentine's day: boy gets girl a rose, girl gets boy a book.


Besides the fact that a book is more interesting than a rose, that it lasts longer, that it (usually) has some use, and that it is sooo simple I'm not going into the macho man idea of Rose v. Book, there is also another drawback. Men do not seem to read as much as women do, at least in Spain and generally speaking, so we women end up buying the book we want to borrow from the dear guy.



Or, as I usually do, buy books on offer for ourselves.



But, corny as it may be, seeing so many couples hand-in-hand with the chick carrying her rose does depress me a bit

Reminds me that the price for independence and not compromising is not getting your Sant Jordi rose



But it's worse still having a boyfriend and not getting the rose, after you bought him a book he might actually flick through -yeesss, it did happen sometime, ok?


So I guess i'll drawn my bitterness in beer tonight -if I can't get hold of a new bottle of Moscatel!



Just hope if I get some company he doesn't drink as much as last time -ok?

21.4.04

Bodyfriend still around

New word to use when not a boyfriend nor just a friend: Bodyfriend!!!


Came out of my friend Jose Luis trying to speak English with Vel and Imran, it was a really funny night with sooo many weird words and expressions coming out, but the one that's staying is BODYFRIEND!!!!!!!



By the way, still waiting for the phonecall my ex boyfriend promised to make in 30-45 minutes, last night at 9 p.m.


By midnight I sms him I understood he'd not decided where to hang the clock in his new flat.



Got his excuses, fixing up a wardrobe, and he's supposed to call me today -I'm used to him, I'd be shocked the day he phones immediately hahaha



Anyway, the reason why we were supposed to talk this time is about B.'s phonecalls, he was there when B. broke into my home, and through all the shit B. gave me during about 16 months, so I wanted to talk to him about this new contact.

Bali coconut Tree is freezing in Denmark

Vel and I had this joke going on, Male asked us to take the piss out of some people while shopping with her in her village, near Sitges. We overdid it a bit, and she got pissed off, so it was even more fun, and now Vel and I can't stop talking the silly way we did then: She was supposed to be from Bali, me from Tahiti South, and both speaking broken English and showing off stupid habits etc, asking for the Government Stamp on the things in the supermarket, asking Male if they had Mushroom Liccor in that place, or should we make it... silly teenagey thing, but it grew on us.


Got an e-mail from Vel, so now I can tell everyone she's ok -some people were worried 'coz she hadn't phoned to say she's ok, and didn't understand we didn't do that usually.

Well, seems milder this time

But I'm not happy at all about this new thing. I'm talking about Bernard coming up with me taking him to jail. This is no joke, I got to talk to my lawyer, but as he's a free lawyer I got when assaulted and chased, and the thing is supposed to be over with, I'm feeling he's not too interested in helping.

Not fair, sorry: he did remember who I am, actually said he thought he'd seen B. on tv, on a football match, in the audience... and said he hadn't received my fax, but would fax me the documents I wanted this morning, around 9ish. It is now almost half past one!!!!!!!!!!!!


Shall have to phone him again. Waiting to get the documents so I can phone B. and get things straight.



But, also, now he feels I am really not trying to hurt him-big relief! Finally!- but am being confused and deceited by my lawyer. I said he'd missed all the hearings, he should have been there to see how I was being tempted into declaring all sorts of shit about him, but didn't. My lawyer was also asking once and again if I couldn't say he was selling drugs in his shop, which I always denied.


It would have been so easy, but I didn't want to hurt him even when he was warning me it would be nasty if he saw me in the street... I really never wanted to get him into big trouble, but needed to protect myself and my son.


Yesterday B. said he'd also brought some african herbs for me, for my health problems with my head -prolactinemia due to a megaprolactinoma removed 6 years ago, constant control -yearly revisions, scans, etc, and medication per life.


And yes, it is supposed to make your sexual impulses go down. Hell knows how I'd be if I didn't have this!!!



But I don't think I dare take anything he gives me now!!!!!!

19.4.04

2nd call in an hour or so?

No, man!!!!!!!! we're not back to that!!!!

I told him I'd call when I could, 'coz I was at work and couldn't talk then, and he's called me before my lunch break, again!!???

I'm not gonna go through all this shit again

Just a few weeks ago I was feeling down and missing what he used to be, and how he's totally lost

just a few days ago Nate was telling me he seemed to be better, he hadn't seen him personally for months but someone he knew kept in touch, and he was usually nasty and rude, but the lat time she saw him he was ok and relaxed, so according to Nate I should give it a try and talk to him...

I said the fact that he was ok that day, at that moment didn't mean shit to me, and anyway he had my number in case he wanted to contact

He sure has it!!!!!!!!

Wonder if I should get Nate into this? He may be able to help, being another rasta and knowing him for a long time, you know, he may know how to deal with him.

I'm out of this.

Shall talk to my lawyer, get him to fax me the final decisions they gave me.

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got this phone call, right now, from my son's father. According to him, he'll be put into jail 'coz of my accusations over two years ago, when he broke into my flat, breaking my door down, windows, hitting me, and all that shit.

He'd not turned up to any of the hearings before the trial, but went on making all these nasty phone calls and scaring the shit out of me. And, just before the trial -almost two years afterwards- he finally met an agreement and I was told the trial was cancelled and he'd not go to jail, but had to pay a certain amount every moth and would eventually pay me back for the things he broke that night. But I was told, as a first offence, he wouldn't go to jail.

Since, for the last 6-8 months I've had no direct news from him, he said the last time we spoke that he didn't want to know anything about me nor our son, and he finally let me live my own life -he's got this 6-year-old and this 4-year-old daughters with a woman who's helping him out, so he's well settled that way.

Now he's just called me and said that he's gonna spend 2 years in jail 'coz of me, I said it wasn't so, and he says he's gotta pay me € 850 coz I say he broke my head, when I said he'd broken my door and windows and that's why he had to pay for that, and have his parental rights removed due to lack of dedication and of responsability, plus fear of further abuse. I guess he didn't pay the low figure he was supposed to give in monthly.

But I'd stopped many other things they wanted to bring up against him -they wanted me to declare he was selling drugs, and they wanted me to claim the money he'd never given me for his son, about €150 monthly estipulated after his assault, which I never claimed...

I'm getting scared.

Hell of a weekend

Spent most of it arguing with my son. He's too old young to be in his teens, right? He's only 8, for heaven's sake!!!!!!! But he's being moody, crying for nothing, hating me, then coming back to kiss me and sorry-sorry, then I'm the best again, and in a second I'm a liar, he hates me, I'm no good...

Hey, he actually sent me to my room!!!!!

14.4.04

Just a jealous guy...

As John Lennon would put it, after drinking way too much of Velena's Danish shots, NW started asking me if I'd seen my ex, or if we weren't talking to each other... and when I said yes, I'd seen him, spent Saturday night with him and are friends again he went jealous.

Didn't say much in front of Vel, but later on he was telling me I should watch out, he's only around for sex and not caring for my son, etc. I tried to talk it over, reminded him how he'd been our shelter, as NW himself had always said, and how he himself had been telling me it was irrational not to keep on seeing each other, even sleeping together every now and then, but now it was bad for me, too bad.

Guess his 'romance' with my ex has passed as soon as we've really begun seeing each other around.

I told him J has a girlfriend, and it's not as if I were planning to go back to him, but I'm really happy we're friends again and so on...

Maybe we'll talk it over tonight.

And hey, he got all sentimental again, telling Vel how I wasn't letting him live in my house, so that's why he disappears sometimes, but It's been 6 years now we've been around, except when I met this guy, but now that's over, so he's around again...

I'll wait to update him completely until he's in a more receptive mood.

We've both agreed we're not bf/gf at all, but live our own lives and get together when we feel like it... Guess it's the man reaction to seeing someone may fly away again...

13.4.04

Just a couple of words,

to say I'm alive and kicking...

a) Vel is here, so I'm spending loads of time with her

b) Been away some days at Male's place, near Sitges

c) Had a great time going out etc

d) Organizing the queues of people I'm supposed to be meeting ;)

e) Good vibes and more from my ex, busy busy with many guys around...

f) off to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (saved the f*** for it!)

8.4.04

Busy days, busy nights

Vel is at my place!!!!!!!!! Poor girl has managed to find the way through bags and boxes to climb into bed -so much stuff back from Joan's place just before she arrived!

Been making the most of not having my son around and having fun and masculine company quite often -much to my closer friends' fun, like 'Aurea is back to her old self, like years ago' -Jose Luis telling Vel, for instance, 'But you should have seen her when she was with her boyfriend, men around her as usual while her boyfriend was dancing in the distance, showing her off, and she was teasing and later on zooming off with her prince' -all this in front of this nice cute guy I met though messenger and who joined us last night. I started to think they'd scare him off!!!

Reminds me of some time ago, Hugo's obsession about either imagining his dad became wonderfully fantastic again, or asking my friends if they'll marry me (he asked Manu and James, as far as I remember, and I think someone else but can't remember who!) Good job in this case, they were mates who just laughed, and even tried to explain -James said he wouldn't mind, but his wife might!

Weeell, friends joking about Toy Boy... but he's so cute and sweet

6.4.04

Got (almost) all my stuff out from Joan's place

And now we've defrosted by talking and laughing for hours, and after sleeping together on Saturday, and after his first moment of uneasiness/guilt on Sunday, that was soon controlled and we had lunch together, but I'd have gone out with him, but he didn't suggest anything... yesterday he was really back to himself, good vibes, didn't have much time to talk 'coz I had my friend waiting in a badly parked car, to fill it up with my stuff, but when I had my last box in my hands he tried to talk me into sitting down for a while, rest, have a drink and keep him company a bit more. I had to remind him I had my friend waiting in the car downstairs!!!

So he was also joking about me better going by today, to meet his current girlfriend, as she'd be suspicious if I'd moved everything while she wasn't there, specially by going last night and being on our own, instead of tonight... he said. Hahaha, and now he comes up with this! no, he was just joking. But would be nice if I passed by to say hi, he said.

As I was leaving in a hurry -had to get my stuff home and had a date waiting for me!- he mentioned he'd probably go out, to a disco I'd love to go back to with him, but I stood in my place -good job I had the date, good way not to give in!

He phoned and txt messaged me a few more times during the night.

Finding excuses why I should pass by. And joking about teenager excuses, I left my bag at your place sort of stuff. I asked him, 'Do I really need that sort of excuses to pass by your place?' And he agreed it was not my style to play silly excuses like that.

Glad he's my friend again

Met someone really sweet

and quiet last night. Thanks for a lovely night, babe!

5.4.04

Been all day long counting cables and stuff

from the Technical Servicing office, all sorts of sensors and bits of pieces of components of machines... Boring!

Busy weekend moving stuff

out of Joan's flat, my ex-boyfriend. But was a chance to get closer again, spend a load of hours together as I helped him moving stuff to his new, smaller, more comfortable and way too expensive place.

Talked and laughed a load, had a really good time and I tried to behave, no touching at all -as a joke he used to spring back if we touched slightly when moving boxes or in the lift. His new girlfriend is really jealous of me, though I never see Joan. This was the second time since we split, in November -see past posts.

In fact, she seems to be quite a jealous woman in general. I said he'd certainly crossed the road there...

She was worried 'coz she knew I'd be moving my shit out of his place, and she'd not be there -first weekend on his own since they're together. She didn't want us to spend too much time together...

Well, I did try to behave and didn't give the first step. And though I spent many hours helping and chatting about our stuff, went home with a taxi loaded and came back to help some more, and then went out with him for a late dance... I didn't touch, restrained myself all the time. I mean, until 8 a.m. the next morning nothing had happened.

Guess she's right to be worried now.